life

Relief


Today I am mostly relieved. Those of you who follow me on Twitter may have been aware of the work-related furore that has been taking over my life of late.

Quick recap:

I originally resigned in September last year, to take on a hopefully easier position. I didn’t enjoy resigning, but felt I had no choice as it seemed like things just weren’t going to work in my current role. Unfortunately, I got suckered in by promises of change, crazy feelings of loyalty and abandonment towards my team and the hope that as a business we could still achieve something great in my area with me at the helm.

So I stuck it out.

Big mistake. It became obvious after a couple of months that things weren’t getting better, although the first month was ok! Towards Christmas I thought about leaving again, but right at the Christmas break a change in leadership (new MD was announced and was someone I greatly respected who had supported me through all the previous issues) prompted me to put these thoughts to one side.

Mistake number 2.

As the months went by, I felt progressively more undermined by a number of things that went on. Senior hires being made in my team that I didn’t approve. Wage increases awarded without discussion. Being overruled on who should manage which accounts and how. Even stupid things like planning the seating to accommodate new starters I couldn’t do myself. It had become clear over time that I was never going to get the support I needed in the role to be able to resolve issues and move the team forward – but when I would question this, I was told that I had to be micromanaged because of the issues in my team… that they were giving me no support to solve.

So it was with great relief on Thursday that I resigned again – and this time I won’t be changing my mind. I have six week’s notice to serve and look forward to starting my new role in mid-May. I’m hoping it will give me more time to do the things I enjoy, as well as the mental head-space to do so. I’ve been an increasingly difficult person to live with over the last two years, particularly in terms of my stress and anxiety levels. Hopefully a new job will change that. I also hope that I’ll be able to rebuild some self-confidence and belief. My current role has pretty much shattered my faith in myself and my ability to do *anything*, so it’ll be an interesting next few weeks as I try and psych myself up for my new job and convince myself that I am capable of lots of awesome stuff.

I should be due some holiday paid when I leave this job, so I’m planning what I might buy with it. I’m thinking an iPad. Any other suggestions? ๐Ÿ™‚

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